Chapter Nine: A Blow to Awaken

Ziyuan escorted Anu back to the Mist Forest, where they came upon Xing'er just returning from deep within the woods. With Anu away, she had grown bored, and so had taken out last year's brew to share among the little sprites and spirits, who had drunk themselves into a stupor; only then had she wandered back to the cottage alone. Seeing the two of them approach, Xing'er was startled, and hastily dropped into a curtsy. "Greetings, Your Highness."

　　Ziyuan nodded to Xing'er, then turned to Anu. "I should be getting back to the Celestial Court."

　　"All right. Go quickly, and don't let anyone there notice."

　　"I will."

　　With that, Ziyuan cast one last, meaningful glance at Anu before turning to go.

　　"You... you two..." Watching Ziyuan's retreating figure, Xing'er seemed to want to say something, but the words caught in her throat.

　　"Your Highness is a Celestial. You cannot... cannot be so familiar with him." Xing'er's face had gone hard, her expression grim.

　　"This is between us — you mustn't let it slip to my father!" Anu tugged at Xing'er's sleeve. "I swear I meant to bring you along, but Ziyuan wouldn't allow it. My dear Xing'er, please don't be cross with me! You must keep this secret for me, no matter what."

　　"This isn't only a matter of keeping secrets, and it isn't about whether I'm cross with you or not. I may be timid, and my powers may be weak, but I'm no fool. The Crown Prince of the Celestial Clan is plainly fond of you — and a thing of this magnitude, and you think you can simply hide it from your father? Unless you don't care for the Crown Prince, and mean never to have anything more to do with him, this is paper trying to wrap up fire — no matter how tightly you bind it, it will do no good in the end." Xing'er spoke with grave conviction.

　　"And besides, the Celestial royal house is nothing like your Asura clan — for them, a houseful of wives and consorts is the most ordinary thing in the world. And even setting all that aside — even if your father were willing to let this be, could you yourself accept it? When Manchun's parents wanted to marry her off as someone's concubine, you were furious on her behalf — and now that it's happened to you, have you suddenly lost all sense? Look at your eldest, second, and third brothers — all married, all with children of their own. Even without knowing the Crown Prince's age, given who he is, he ought to have married long ago, don't you think? Even the Eleventh Princess is soon to be wed — how much more so her elder brother?"

　　Since when had Xing'er grown so clear-headed, so lucid in her reasoning? Perhaps this was simply what they meant by "the one caught up in it is blind, while the one looking on sees clearly." That whole flood of good sense left Anu speechless, her face falling into shadow; without a word, she turned and walked back to her own room. And there she stayed, not showing her face for a full seven days. The door stayed shut. Xing'er, worried, knocked again and again, but got no answer; when she tried to force her way in with a spell, she found Anu had sealed the door with a warding charm, one Xing'er's own powers were no match for, so all she could do was pace outside in anxious helplessness.

　　Had Ziyuan not already claimed a place in her heart, how could Anu possibly have reacted so violently? But then again — a man like Ziyuan, so bright and handsome, so gentle and refined as fine jade, and yet with a heart broad enough to hold the whole world within it — surely there were few women who could resist being drawn deeply to him.

　　Xing'er thought she understood Anu's heart now, and this was the worst possible turn of events. Had the feeling been one-sided, nothing much would have come of it. The Asura King had schemed and guarded against every possibility — and still the very thing he feared most had come to pass. What was to be done now?

　　Just as Xing'er stood at her wit's end, she saw Anu push open her door and walk straight out into the night, heading for the wine cellar. Hearing the sound, Xing'er hurried after her — and was startled half out of her wits.

　　Yes, it was the wine cellar. Surely Anu didn't mean to drink?

　　Drink? But the Asura clan had never been able to hold their liquor — the last time, at Yan City, a single small cup had left her utterly wrecked, and she never touched her own brewing besides. Had she taken leave of her senses today? Even in low spirits, surely she wouldn't go drowning her sorrows in wine?

　　Xing'er watched as Anu drew a jar from the cellar — the very brew she had shared with the little spirits seven days before, of which several jars still remained, making it all too convenient for Anu now to simply reach out and take one.

　　"Anu... you... you mustn't drink..." Xing'er stepped forward to plead with her.

　　"Wine is brewed to be drunk, isn't it?" Anu's tone was sharp, and she shot Xing'er a cold glance.

　　"The problem is that you can't drink." Xing'er was growing frantic — if Anu finished off that whole jar, there was no telling what might happen, and if anything went wrong, the Asura King would probably flay her alive to vent his fury.

　　"Never you mind!" Anu said, displeased.

　　"If you drink and so much as stumble, my own life won't be worth much either — and you tell me never mind? Is my life not a life?" Xing'er tried to snatch the jar from Anu's hands, but her powers were no match, and the attempt was futile.

　　"I know," Anu said, subdued.

　　"I'll only drink one mouthful. Without a mouthful of wine, where would I find the courage to ask Ziyuan? I need to hear the answer from his own lips — that he's already married — so that I can finally let go of this." Having said that, Anu heaved a long sigh.

　　"You... you foolish girl..." Hearing this, Xing'er felt her own heart ache. One Xiaoyi had already left her waiting, uncomprehending, for over four hundred years; and now here came another man she had no business loving, who nonetheless watched over her and loved her, until she too found herself hopelessly entangled. Of all things in this world, love and fate are the hardest to fathom — they come when they will and leave when they will, silent and unannounced, impossible to guard against. By the time one notices, it is so often already too late, and there is no turning back.

　　How hard indeed! How could such a tangle ever be undone?

　　What good would it do to hear the answer from his own lips? It was already a known answer — why go to such lengths over it? Perhaps Anu herself had long since sunk into the mire of love without even realizing it.

　　"Stay well back, don't fuss over me. I promise I'll only drink one mouthful — if I get properly drunk I won't even be able to speak to Ziyuan. I know my limits."

　　"Is His Highness coming?" Xing'er asked, puzzled.

　　"Summon him here." So saying, Anu drew from her waist the jade pendant Ziyuan had given her.

　　"Go to the deep woods!" Anu issued the order to banish her, for at this moment she did not want Xing'er present.

　　Once Xing'er had walked off into the distance, Anu pulled the wooden stopper from the jar's mouth, and with tears brimming at the corners of her eyes, took a sip of wine. The bitter, burning taste forced the tears from her eyes, sliding down her cheeks, falling one after another.

　　Her father had gone to such lengths to hide her away in the Mist Forest, and still she could not escape this fate. She had known perfectly well she should never entangle herself with the Celestial Clan, and yet, as though guided by some unseen hand of destiny, she had walked step by step to where she now stood. She could no longer say when Ziyuan had first taken root in her heart; without her even noticing, he had come to fill her every waking thought and dream. Had Xing'er not lectured her so, she might not even have realized she was already sunk in this mire. Over these seven days, she had turned over every moment of the time gone by — the way Ziyuan looked after her and cared for her, gentle yet strong, considering her welfare with a thoroughness that outstripped even her own concern for herself; with him there, she always felt at peace. Since her grandfather, Xiaoyi, her fourth brother, and her mother had all left her, this was the first time she had felt so thoroughly cherished — and now, struggling to climb free of this mire, she found herself only sinking deeper, caught in a pain she could not escape. She longed to fling herself outward and leap free, only to find herself sinking further still with every effort. Perhaps Ziyuan, wise as he was, could teach her what to do. Or perhaps, as she herself had told Xing'er, she truly needed to hear from his own lips that he was already married, so that she might finally, thoroughly let go.

　　Tears fell silently onto the jade pendant, each drop its own small pain.

　　Anu, who had never in her life known what it was to fear anything — save once, facing death in the Netherworld Array — now felt fear for the second time. She did not want to face reality; she dreaded the answer Ziyuan would speak, an answer she already ought to have known; she dreaded that after today, they might be parted forever...

　　And yet she had no choice but to steel herself — to be cruel to herself — for only by being cruel to herself now could she avoid repeating the mistakes of those who came before her, avoid becoming, through jealousy, one half of a pair of lovers turned bitter enemies in the end.

　　As the saying goes: to hesitate when a decision must be made is to invite chaos upon oneself.

　　Holding the jade pendant before her, Anu at last, with great difficulty, called out: "Ziyuan."

　　In Cize Hall in the Celestial Court, Ziyuan suddenly felt a strange sensation rise within him — he sensed Anu calling to him through the jade pendant, yet felt no trace of danger in it. And Anu was in the Mist Forest besides — what danger could there possibly be?

　　An ominous foreboding swept over him. If Anu were not in mortal peril, then what could it be?

　　Ziyuan drew a deep breath. Though it was not danger he sensed from Anu, he felt in its place a taste of sorrow. Could it be that the truth had come to light? The moment the thought crossed his mind, Ziyuan did not hesitate, and hurried at once toward the Mist Forest.

　　"Anu!" Seeing Anu standing there, jade pendant in hand, silently weeping, Ziyuan's heart lurched violently.

　　"Why are you crying?" His voice was thick with concern. He noticed the uncorked wine jar on the table beside her, and his heart sank: she knew she couldn't hold her liquor, and yet she'd been drinking anyway — what on earth could have grieved her so?

　　"Tell me honestly..." Seeing Ziyuan arrive, Anu opened her mouth to ask, but found it unexpectedly hard going — she was far more faint-hearted than she had imagined herself to be. The words caught fast in her throat, and she turned instead to reach for the wine jar on the table, meaning to take another mouthful for courage.

　　"Don't drink..." Ziyuan, seeing what she meant to do, cast a spell to "snatch" the jar from her hand and made it vanish into thin air — but he was a fraction too slow, and Anu had already managed a small mouthful.

　　"What did you want to ask me? Go ahead and ask — I promise I'll answer honestly. Don't do this to yourself." Ziyuan stepped forward to comfort her, but to his surprise, Anu retreated a full step backward.

　　"You..." Ziyuan froze, startled — this reaction of Anu's was far too out of character.

　　"Are you... are you... have you already... already been married... already taken a wife?" It was such a short sentence, and yet Anu stumbled and faltered over every word of it, forcing it out only through sheer effort.

　　Perhaps it was the aid of that small mouthful of wine.

　　But her head had already begun to swim, the scene before her eyes swaying and blurring, drifting without any sense of solidity.

　　"Yes." Though worried to see Anu already showing signs of drunkenness, Ziyuan answered honestly all the same.

　　"I already have a principal consort. Her name is Shenya. Because the Shen family holds enormous influence in the Celestial Court's politics and military affairs, my father arranged the marriage himself, years ago. Beyond her, there is no one else." Ziyuan spoke earnestly.

　　"Why does your Celestial royal house always take it for granted that a man should have three wives and four concubines? Like my father and mother, my brothers, my people, even my grandfather... they all just... have one... one wife. Isn't that... isn't that good enough?"

　　Hearing Ziyuan's own words confirm it, Anu's tears now poured down like a waterfall; even as her head grew ever more clouded, she could not master her own grief and turmoil. Her legs, too, grew increasingly unsteady beneath her, and as the scene before her swam and shifted, she could no longer keep her footing, and finally stumbled and fell. Ziyuan rushed forward at once to catch her.

　　"You're drunk."

　　"Don't touch me!" Unsteady as she was, Anu still tried with all her strength to push Ziyuan away.

　　"I'm not... a... a Celestial maiden. Since you've already... already taken a wife... you should never... never have... come to... to trouble me... from the very start."

　　"You..." Ziyuan had known this reckoning would come sooner or later, but he had not expected this foolish girl to grow so sharp, or to have noticed the matter so soon.

　　"I... I... would rather... have died at... at Clearstream... Clearstream Town, on Phoenix... Phoenix Mountain, or... died... in the Netherworld... Netherworld Array... If you... hadn't come... hadn't come to... trouble... me, there would be... none of... this shame... today... and... and none of this pain..."

　　Failing to push Ziyuan away, Anu instinctively drew her dagger and stabbed it toward her own left arm — but the blade caught Ziyuan's left arm as well, before it could reach her.

　　"Hss!" A sharp pain shot through Ziyuan's left arm; he gave a low cry, but did not let go, and forced himself through the pain to cast a spell that swept Anu's dagger away along with his own hand.

　　The blade clattered to the ground.

　　"You... if you're upset with me, take it out on me — why would you hurt yourself?"

　　Ignoring the wound on his own hand, Ziyuan first used his power to stanch the bleeding on Anu's left arm, his heart aching with tenderness he could not hide.

　　"Don't... don't ever... touch her... hand... with the hand that... touched..." Anu murmured, incoherent, the words trailing off before she finished, and then she slipped entirely into drunken sleep.

　　"Foolish girl!" Watching Anu pass out, Ziyuan let out a long sigh. Once the bleeding on her arm had stopped, he gathered her up and carried her back to her room.

　　"At Yan City I told Elder Mu — loving someone doesn't mean you must keep them bound at your side. What matters more is helping her achieve what she truly longs for. Resolving the enmity between our two clans, and letting you return home openly, with dignity, as the Asura princess you are, without having to go on living hidden and disguised like this — these things matter far more than whether I ever bring you into my household."

　　Moving lightly and with great tenderness, Ziyuan laid Anu gently upon the bed, tucked the coverlet around her, and then sat down at the bedside, holding her hand, and spoke on, slowly.

　　"Xiaoyi promised to take you home, meaning to restore your standing through marriage to him and cut all ties with the Celestial Clan once and for all — but at best that would only treat the symptom, not the root cause; the underlying enmity between the Celestial Clan and the Asura Clan would remain unresolved. To truly draw the fire out from beneath the cauldron, difficult as it is, this game had to be set in motion regardless. It is the hardest game of chess I have ever played — even if I win in the end, I may well have to pay with everything I have. By then, the very troubles and pain that torment you now may no longer even exist — so why trouble yourself over them before their time?" Ziyuan smiled wryly, stroking Anu's face.

　　"I say you're foolish, and yet just when foolishness would serve you, you turn clever instead — there's no help for you. Wouldn't it be better to stay foolish until the whole game plays out? You are the key piece on this board, and so you are bound to be caught up in it too — all I can do is give everything I have to see you through it safely; the rest, I fear, I cannot fully account for. Without great destruction, how can there be great renewal? Some sacrifice is unavoidable — I only hope that when it is all over, you will not hate me for it."

　　Ziyuan gazed steadily at Anu for a long while, taking in her face; in truth, he could not bear to look away. He knew the days left to him to watch her like this were numbered, and it grieved him more than he could say to think of leaving her. But today's uproar had already set new changes in motion within a situation so tangled that the smallest thread, once pulled, moved everything else with it. Ziyuan knew well that the most perilous and treacherous hour was fast approaching. And yet the pursuit of peace between their two clans was a wish he and Anu shared alike, and no matter how dangerous the path, he had to see it through.

　　Besides, there was no road back for either of them now. What was coming would come regardless; there was no use in evasion. In a game this intricate, every move was bound up with every other, each concealing and revealing the next in turn; once the larger course was set, there was nothing left to do but meet each move as it came — there was truly no better strategy than that.

　　"Take care of yourself, girl." Ziyuan set down Anu's hand, and bent to press a deep kiss upon her brow.

　　"A snowstorm is coming. But with me here, I promise you a future of clear skies after the storm. If I am fortunate enough to come through this trial unharmed, then whether it is love or hatred, whether you stay or go — all of it will be entirely up to you."

　　Ziyuan rose slowly, and walked at an unhurried pace to the pagoda tree.

　　"Little bluebird! I must go now. Please go and find Xing'er, and bring her back to look after Anu. Anu has drunk too much and is sleeping in her room; she cut her own arm with her dagger, but the bleeding has stopped. Whether to send for Xiaoyi is something the two of you should decide between yourselves."

　　Ziyuan bowed with clasped hands toward the nest in the tree above, and with that gesture of farewell, took his leave.