Chapter Seven: Mother

In the magnificent grand hall of the Lu residence, Lu Zhan's face was exceedingly grim. Well past sixty, he was at an age that should have been spent enjoying a peaceful retirement. In ordinary times he rarely concerned himself with household affairs, having long since passed the heavy responsibilities on to the younger generation — had Lu Jing's wall-climbing incident not caused such an uproar, Lu Zhan would never have troubled himself to intervene personally.

Lu Jing's heart had pounded countless times on the way there. Being caught by his mother would, at worst, mean being watched even more closely than before. His grandfather was another matter entirely — he was the most venerable elder of the Fanyang Lu clan, and within the family, his word was still absolute. Lu Zhan sat with his back ramrod straight, his spirit still sharp and vigorous despite his years, and the single word "Kneel" struck Lu Jing the instant he crossed the threshold, so that he obeyed at once, not daring to utter a sound.

"A son of the Lu clan, behaving in such a reckless, improper manner? Such lack of discipline, such disgraceful conduct — a shame upon our family's name." Lu Zhan's voice was cold and cutting, his displeasure unmistakable.

"Your grandson knows his fault and dares not argue." Lu Jing could feel himself trembling all over. He hadn't trembled like this earlier, climbing through the window and over the wall — gasping for breath as he was, there had still been a secret thrill of triumph in his heart then. Now, though — he had tried to steal a chicken and lost the rice instead. No, worse than that: he himself had been the one sacrificed, and sacrificed thoroughly, cleanly, with nothing left over.

Lu Zhan was still pondering how to interrogate this "criminal caught red-handed" when hurried footsteps sounded outside. Lu Jing recognized the sound at once — that was his mother. Lady Wang, born of the Taiyuan Wang clan, carried herself with dignified restraint in every action, whether walking, resting, sitting, or lying down; even now, hurrying anxiously forward, her steps remained light and composed, never losing their proper measure.

"Your daughter-in-law pays respects to Grandfather." Entering the hall, Lady Wang bowed formally to Lu Zhan, then shot a glance at Lu Jing kneeling to one side, her expression a mixture of anger and worry. This boy had truly grown the gall of a bear or the heart of a leopard — defying her orders was one thing, but to cause such a scene right in front of Grandfather? How was she supposed to bear this?

Lu Zhan gestured coldly for her to rise, and seeing her arrive in such haste, asked, "Does this matter concern you? Or have you simply come to plead for your son?"

"First, Jing'er has been frail in body since childhood — I feared he might injure himself kneeling so long. Second, as he had only just recovered from his grave illness, your daughter-in-law kept him confined and would not let him leave the house — who would have thought Jing'er would go and do something so reckless? This is entirely my fault, for failing to teach him properly. If Grandfather wishes to punish someone, let it be your daughter-in-law." With these words, Lady Wang walked to Lu Jing's side and knelt down alongside him as well. Lu Jing, startled, quickly reached out to pull his mother up, only to have his hand batted away by hers.

Remembering that this grandson had carried heart illness with him since birth, his body always weak and frail, unable like the other Lu sons to build a career or rise through officialdom, even forbidden by physicians from marrying and having children — Lu Zhan's heart, too, filled with a mournful sigh. In truth this grandson had always conducted himself with proper discipline in ordinary times; today's affair had its reasons, and moved by pity for his suffering, unable to bear the thought of him kneeling much longer, he finally relented. "Copy out the Preface to the Family Instructions of Master Yan twenty times. Complete it within three days, with no delay permitted."

Hearing this, Lady Wang let out a breath of relief, slowly rising to her feet and saying, "Thank you for your instruction, Grandfather."

Seeing this, Lu Jing rose as well, quickly following her lead: "Thank you for your instruction, Grandfather."

At Lu Zhan's gesture, mother and son walked out of the hall one after the other, heading toward Lady Wang's courtyard.

***

Lu Jing kept his head lowered the whole way, saying nothing. Though his mother had pleaded on his behalf, he knew perfectly well she was still angry with him inside. Only once they reached his mother's room did she finally turn and glare at him.

"Does Jing'er truly hold his mother in such little regard? Do my words mean nothing more to you than wind past your ears?"

"No..." Lu Jing wanted to say something, but the words caught in his throat.

"Is that kiln yard truly so important to you?" His mother's voice grew angrier with every word. "More important than your own life?"

The words struck hard, and Lu Jing's face suddenly darkened.

"Your son feels happy and at ease there... he forgets his own pain and illness... In truth, my heart illness has been striking more and more often lately. Just now I very nearly fell off the wall — it was because the illness had flared up again that I was left straddling the top, enduring the crushing pain in my chest, and that is how the servants happened to discover me..."

Lu Jing's voice grew heavier and heavier as he spoke, and his mother's face grew heavier still upon hearing it. Lady Wang, always so composed and dignified, could no longer hold herself together, her eyes suddenly filling with horror.

"Jing'er... you... what are you saying?" Her voice betrayed both panic and doubt. "The physicians said your illness would never let you live past coming of age — but you have already reached that age now, shouldn't you have improved a great deal by now? Why is it like this..."

"Your unfilial son has caused Mother worry. Had I not been born into the Fanyang Lu clan, I might well be gone from this world already — it is Mother's tireless care, the whole strength of the Lu clan poured into my keeping, that has bought me these extra years of life. And yet, however illustrious the Lu clan may be, however many renowned physicians they have sought throughout the empire, however precious the medicines they have exhausted — none of it, in the end, has been able to cure your son's heart illness. Your son knows his own body better than anyone else..."

"Mother fears I might meet with some misfortune — this, your son understands. It's only that... if I remain confined within these walls all day, watching every step, then every single day I only remind myself how little time I have left. But at the kiln yard, watching Third Brother and the others at their work, spending time with them, drinking tea, exchanging a few words — your son feels truly happy there..."

"Jing'er, you..." Before his mother could even finish speaking, tears had already begun welling in her eyes.

"How can it be like this?"

"Mother, the physicians never said your son's heart illness had been cured — back then they only said I might not survive to come of age. Now that your son has, by good fortune, lived past it, the physicians have only ever said I must be carefully tended and cared for — never once did they say the illness had truly improved."

"No, no, my Jing'er..." No sooner had she finished speaking than his mother, her face a mask of disbelief, rushed forward and threw her arms around Lu Jing, weeping without restraint. In that moment, she was not the daughter of the Taiyuan Wang clan, nor the daughter-in-law of the Fanyang Lu clan — she was simply the mother of a sickly, fragile son.

"I ask for nothing else. I don't ask that you achieve great success, I don't ask that you have children and grandchildren to fill this house — I only want you to live well..." Lady Wang had wept until she could no longer form words, still clutching Lu Jing tightly, unwilling to let go.

And Lu Jing, too, wept.

He wanted to comfort his mother, but did not know what he could possibly say. All his mother asked was that he live well — and how could he himself not wish for the very same thing? And yet, on this one matter alone, no one — not anyone at all — could give either of them a guarantee.