(5) Saying No While Meaning Yes

Xi'er picked up the chopsticks, plucked out a piece of cherry biluo, and gestured for him to open his mouth. Looking at Xi'er's radiant smile, his own heart brightened in turn, and he could no longer keep up any pretense of anger, no longer cared in the slightest what Xi'er had actually meant to say—he simply gave in, obedient, and opened his mouth to let Xi'er feed him.

"Well? Is it good?" Xi'er watched him, waiting for his answer.

"You'd better just stick to what you're actually good at..." In truth, he privately thought that cherry biluo was nothing short of heavenly—even if Xi'er had scooped up a handful of dirt for him to eat, so long as it came from Xi'er, he'd have found it fragrant, let alone something she'd made with her own hands. But he couldn't bear the thought of those hands of hers fussing over firewood, rice, oil, and salt in the kitchen; she already spent her days worn thin from constant travel and toil, so exhausted she could hardly put on any weight, her figure noticeably thin as it was—she really shouldn't be wasting any more time and energy on kitchen work like this. And besides, he rather wanted to tease her a little too, which was exactly why he said what he did.

"Really? Not good? Don't tell me my old skills really have gone rusty?" Xi'er looked utterly incredulous, popping a piece of cherry biluo into her own mouth. "I think it's just fine?" Xi'er looked thoroughly baffled. She had calculated every possible angle, always so meticulous in her planning, and yet the one thing she'd never once anticipated was that Ah Heng had picked up bad habits—that he would actually go and tease her—leaving her face full of confusion.

"Besides the apology, is there something else you wanted to say to me?" Watching Xi'er's puzzled expression, he found the whole thing thoroughly entertaining. This girl, brilliant her whole life through except for the occasional lapse—she'd talked at such length, even dredging up his own old history in the process, surely all building toward something—and now, one little tease from him, and she'd completely forgotten what it even was?

His reminder brought it back to her at once. Ah Heng understood her well enough, after all—everything she'd said had merely been laying the groundwork. She had wanted to suggest that Ah Heng go back to visit his mother's family. How many years had it been now? He had never once gone back to see them, not even a single visit, and it really was high time he did.

"Everyone comes from somewhere. Whatever else, you did spend a great deal of time at your mother's family home after you were born. And now, even Great Master Yuanyi himself has come to make peace with you—you're no longer the same fierce, unrestrained Yue Heng you once were. It's time to go see your grandfather, your grandmother, and your uncles. Seeing you as you are now would surely bring them real joy."

"No." Hearing Xi'er lay out her intentions, he refused her flatly, without a second thought. His grandfather and grandmother had always treated him well, and his uncles had cared for him too—it was only unfortunate that his cousins, seeing him orphaned and vulnerable after his parents' deaths, had bullied him mercilessly, leaving him with a childhood, after losing both his mother and father, that he could hardly bear to look back on.

"Weren't your cousins still young themselves back then too? These days, everyone's in their thirties or forties, running the family business themselves, and how people conduct themselves has changed a great deal since childhood. I'd guess Yuezhou celadon, tea, and Shu brocade would all move more smoothly by canal from now on—we'll likely have plenty of business dealings with them going forward. Since you'll be crossing paths with them one way or another, it certainly wouldn't hurt to smooth things over between you."

Xi'er paid no mind at all to his protest, picking up a piece of juxingnu and holding it out before him, smiling faintly. "Finish this little dish, and I'll go with you. We'll stop by Shaolin first to visit Great Master Yuanyi, then continue on to your mother's family. Great Master Yuanyi is, after all, practically your grandmaster now too—paying him a visit is only right. That kind of standing will certainly carry real weight with those cousins of yours—visiting Shaolin first, and only then your grandparents' home, should ensure every last one of them treats you with proper courtesy, letting you finally let go of whatever old grievances you've been carrying all this time. I haven't had the chance to travel and see much of anything these past years myself—consider it a bit of sightseeing along the way. We'll take our time, see the sights as we go—wouldn't that be pleasant?"

Xi'er spoke with such animated delight, as though it were her own family she were going to visit. She had always been so skilled at handling him that he found himself unable to raise even the slightest objection to anything she said. The fragrant, crisply fried scent of the juxingnu drifted into his nose just then, though he suspected it wasn't really the pastry itself that was so tempting, but Xi'er herself—which was precisely why he found himself utterly unable to resist anything she said.

With Xi'er by his side, he'd have dared to march straight into hell itself—what was a mere visit to his mother's family, by comparison?

"You have to help me eat half of it too, before I'll agree." He didn't dare say outright that he was worried about how thin and frail Xi'er was; instead, he used helping finish off the less-than-appetizing snacks as an excuse to give himself an easy way out—after all, he was a grown man, standing a full seven feet tall, and he could hardly afford to lose that much face.

"Is that a promise?" Hearing this, Xi'er broke into delighted laughter, her eyes crinkling with mirth, and he found the sight utterly endearing. And so, bite by bite, the two of them shared the little dishes between them amid cheerful laughter, gradually clearing the plates...

The sound of wind through the pines rolled in wave after wave, as though speaking, on Songlan Court's master's behalf, everything held within his heart. His love for Xi'er, never once spoken aloud, could only be silently guarded, watching over her so that she might pursue whatever she wished to do, free of any worry left behind. Because of Xi'er, without quite realizing it, he had come to find real meaning in simply being alive; the moment he caught sight of her smile, his heart settled into place, and everything else seemed to matter so much less.

Now, the sound of wind through the pines remained just the same as ever, but the person who once shared these little dishes with him was no longer here. He ate the cherry biluo and juxingnu alone, tears spilling helplessly over his eyes despite himself—another sleepless night stretching out before him.